Five Reasons… Just five? I can certainly list far more than that as to why having bad thoughts and making mistakes don’t make you a terrible mom.
5 Reasons Bad Thoughts and Mistakes Don’t Make You Terrible Mom
To be honest, this post is difficult for me. Not because I can’t think of ten reasons, but because our adopted child ran away as fast as she could do explore life with her biological father (her biological mother couldn’t care for her) and the other child, our baby, ascended to Heaven before her first birthday. So, though my Monkey has done her best to tell us that we were great parents, and I a great mom, my negative thinking is louder and more prominent than any other voice.
I’m going to push past that, or attempt to, because I need it and, perhaps, you do as well.
Here goes nothin’.
- You are human. Presumably, we all are except perhaps the bots that are scanning this post deciding if it’s worthy of making the top of search engines. Being human means we all have bad thoughts and make mistakes from time to time.
- Those mistakes will one day become something you recognize as part of the reason you are crushing it. I truly believe that how we ract to those moments when they are long past is what makes us better, because then we know how to handle the bigger things that come our way.
- Frustration is normal.
- It’s okay to cry, that doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.
- It’s quite possibly not your fault, hormones can do some crazy stuff with our moods. (Note: men or those who’ve not been through it because they were born that as biological females do not get to use, repeat or quote that. Period. -no pun intended-)
Five Reasons You Will Beat Those Bad Thoughts
- There is help available and it’s absolutely healthy to seek it out and utilize it.
- The fact that you feel even the slightest guilt over those thoughts is because they aren’t your true feelings.
- Whatever sparked those thoughts is temporary, the moment will pass and so will the overwhelming feelings (even if we do require help).
- Those thoughts are warning signs: take them as such and nothing more. Not warning signs that you are going to do something bad or whatever, warning signs that you need to get some rest and take a moment. And that, my friend, is perfectly normal and healthy.
- Brief, random thoughts do not make you or define you.
And the Mistakes….
Use them! Don’t let them go to waste. Learn from them because one day your beautiful baby will be an angst filled teen and you are going to need every lesson you could possibly learn to manage that mess.
Not only that, but you will run into a mother in a position very similar to where you are and they may need to hear that story and how you got through. Whether it be to inspire or just to make them smile.
You will, I promise, eventually appreciate some of those mistakes you made because they will have built you into a stronger, happier woman. Not just mother, but a person as a whole.
For Right Now…
Take a ‘you’ break. Even if it means you have to get up a little earlier than baby, call your bestie or whatever it takes to get away for a minute. That doesn’t make you a bad mom, but it may help you be a healthy, happy mom.
While my qualifications are not necessarily game changing, I do have plenty of crazy life experience that makes me who I am and is making me who I will be. But if that’s not enough, I highly recommend the book Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts for all moms, not just new moms.
I love the way it looks at moms, from a standpoint of real mothers. Not necessarily professionals, therapists, etc. While they do have their place, sometimes we just need some acceptance and understanding.
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts says that over 90% of mothers have scary, intrusive thoughts about their baby and themselves. This fact does not at all surprise me. At all. The book encourages mothers and brings hope, compassion and much needed help. It even has 50 stigma busting cartoons that, I do believe, every mom can relate to at some point or another.
Whether your child is a day old or 20 years old, this book will help you through guidance, exercises and acceptance of our mental health. It may even get you past some of the guilt you hold on to from years past.
Kudos and gratitude goes out to author Karen Kleiman for bringing the darkness to light, the stigma to normalcy and acceptance to those of us who feel broken.