DivorceNormally I don’t do this, but today I’m going to make an exception.  I’m hurting and I need to express myself.  I don’t want my family to feel guilty so I’m expressing it to you.  😀  Prayers welcome.

My parents divorced when I was little.  I honestly don’t remember what it was like having two married parents so usually it doesn’t bother me.  There were things that thoroughly sucked growing up with divorced parents, a LOT of them, but I’m grown now and I have long ago accepted that my parents just weren’t meant to be.  Apparently I was some sort of silver lining in the storm that became of their marriage.  Whatever.

divorce (1)My Mom has had a couple of failed marriages since then and a few more bad relationships but my Dad managed to find someone he loves and stay happily married living for God.  My Momma causes drama, I get that and I’m not even going to go there right now.  I will say this, apparently she wished my Dad a happy former anniversary or some crap a few years back and one of my little sisters (born from my Dad and StepMom) had the audacity to blame me and say it was because I wanted them back together.  That just made me angry, they have NO idea what it’s like to deal with divorced parents, the feelings of rejection or what it was like to watch your parents fight, screaming and yelling, when you are too little to even know what’s going on.

Yep, that’s it, I miss THAT, because that is ALL I remember from my Mother and Father being married.  FIGHTING.  No good memories whatsoever.  In fact, I have very few good memories growing up.  The ones I do have came not from my parents but from my Grandparents and one of my Aunties who has always been such a blessing to me and I took for granted for so long.

Anyway, I got over that.  Mostly.  I just don’t think about it.  I told my sister what I thought about her stupid comment that was wrapped in pure ignorance and I’ve moved on.  Really.  I’m not even upset with her anymore because I understand that the comment came from emotion and a lack of knowledge.

Today, however is apparently my Great Grandmother’s 90th birthday party.  Guess how I found out?  A friggin’ picture on facebook of the amazing cake my Auntie done for her.  I’m use to feeling left out but I guess it’s been so long that this one snuck up on me.  I Maybe it’s because I love my Granny so MUCH and would have LOVED to be there to celebrate with her.  Whatever it is, I sit here venting to you (my husband calls it screaming into the void, and I get it because I’m sure most people stopped reading 2 paragraphs ago) and crying because if I say anything to my family it’s just going to hurt them and I don’t want them to hurt the way I do or even worse continue feeling sorry for me because ‘Poor little Kaycee was innocent in the situation and it wasn’t fair for her’.  I got sick of hearing that a long time ago.  It really, really didn’t help.  I know it came from a place of love, but it wasn’t helpful at all.  I knew my situation, I lived it.  Can’t tell my husband because he will eventually comment to my family how much it hurts me when my Dad forgets that he has a kid out here.  That wasn’t a fair comment, I know my Dad loves me.  I’m just hurting.

I ask you now for prayers, I know I serve a healing and restorative God.  If you don’t believe in God, or are in doubt, I wish I knew how to show you what an amazing God He truly is.

If not prayers, I’ll take positive energy or whatever it is you do for the people you want to help.  I’m hurting right now and it sucks.  That is all.

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  1. Life is the same here feeling left out my whole life and what’s worse is they act like its in my head I am grown now and know it is not and never was in my head. The hard part is making sure it doesn’t hurt my kids. You are strong and this will make you stronger and we are listening!

    • Thank you. I am fortunate in that my Aunts and cousins love me very much and will defend me, even when I don’t want them to (I don’t want to cause family fights). The dramatic side of family (not my Dad’s side) is like that with my Mom, brother and I. I avoid them. I am so thankful for my husband’s family! Funny, I’m extremely white and married a black man, ONLY white person in the family and they are more accepting than the majority of my Momma’s family! Funny how that works.

  2. Praying for you Kaycee!

  3. Im sorry that this is happening. I dont have your specific hurts but I have had a good share of my own and I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. My husband has had a particularly hard time with his family because his parents have always played favorites and well, he wasnt it so I kind of know what you mean. We are constantly forgotten about, even our kids and it sucks. Anyway, sending my LOVE and PRAYERS! Hope you feel better soon 😀

    • Thank you. It really is lame but I am thankful that my Aunties and my cousins have enough love for me to defend me and look out for me. 😀 I am very blessed that way.

  4. Sending prayers and positive energy your way. Hope you are feeling a little better today.

  5. We really are kindred spirits lol. I’m so sorry you have had to deal with this and believe me I know how much it sucks and hurts. My mother and I just started rebuilding our relationship after years of being cast aside. My parents were never married but split when I was 2. I talk to my dad on the computer often and will hopefully see him before years end so he can hold his grandkids for the first time ever! I totally get feeling left out as it was the reocurring theme of my life until a few years ago when I met my husband. In fact, none of my family (except for one of my cousins) was at my wedding because we weren’t talking. With God’s help and true forgiveness, those relationships can be mended. Trust me, for me to be saying we’re hopefully planning a renewal of vows in a year (5th anniversary) and inviting both of our families, is true evidence of the lack of limits God has and His goodness and mercy! You will be fine honey, we serve a MIGHTY GOD!! *hug*

  6. Praying for you…we all feel kind of lost and alone sometimes.

  7. Positive healing thoughts heading your way. What your family has done is not right but there is nothing you can do about it besides just try to forget-notice I am mot saying forgive-I kniw I haven’t been able to forget the hurt my family has thrown at me over the years-but eventually it does stop hurting a bit if you can just manage to throw it someone where you don’t remember all the time.

    • Thank you. 😀 I suppose it happens in every family, just had a really rough time with this one. I’m praying for healing and I know God will take care of me, He always has. 😀 I hope your situation gets better too. Will pray for you as well. 😀 and positive healing thoughts also. 😀

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